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Carrefour Boffins Blame Budge Boycott on Stuxnet Virus 26th October

October 26, 2010
Carrefour Visora Minoh store at Osaka Prefectu...

Image via Wikipedia

In an amazing revelation today Carrefor senior management blame the computer virus Stuxnet for the appalling customer service error that sparked the highly damaging Budge Boycott of Carrefour‘s Flagship store in Lezignan Corbieres.

It has been widely reported that the Struxnet Virus was specifically written to attack Supervisory Control And Data Acquisition systems used to control and monitor industrial processes. This is totally false” claims Carrefour’s head of IT, Pascal Pixel speaking from Carrefour’s highly secretive Technology Basement.

We have strong reason to believe that the Virus did not, as has been claimed, originate from the CIA or Israel but from a spotty teenage Kid who is doing a stage at one of our arch rivals.

The fact that the virus accidentally attacked the control programmes of Iranian nuclear stations was an unforseen side effect. We believe that Ahmed Farsi, who has since written the Iranian nuclear control programme based his system on the Carrefour “Pile’m high, knock’em out “™ programme. Before returning to Iran Mr Farsi use to input our weekly alcoholic beverage offers.”

We believe that one of our competitors seeking to gain advantage in the French market deliberately let lose the Stuxnet virus to destroy our market leading 6 for the price of 3discount quality wine offer. This heinous attack was the direct cause of the error that allowed the system to fail to acknowledge that the offer allowed customers to mix white wine and red wine bottles- the spark that let loose the Budge Boycott.

The fact that the virus then went on to knock out the entire Iranian civilian nuclear network was probably an unintentioned side effect- but that’s what happens when you steal someone else’s software.”

Mr Kenneth Budge told reporters that he got Jon to do all his computer stuff so didn’t have a clue what Mr Pixel was going on about- the Boycott continues.

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