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Hollywood Stars back Budge Boycott- every single one of them

October 27, 2010
Pitt Clooney Damon

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In a media coup we can reveal that the Budge Boycott of Carrefour‘s flagship store in Lezignan Corbieres has now formally received the support of every single Hollywood star, both alive and dead.

 

Campaign organiser, Pierre Bucleur told an astonished press conference to day that the backing of such figures will really turn the heat up on Carrefour’s increasing besieged management.

 

“Using the Google “opt-out” approach to privacy we can reveal that not one Hollywood Star has written to us to say they don’t back the Budge Boycott.”

 

“Here today I can confirm that we have not received any e-mail from George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Steven Speilburg, or any other famous name- we did receive an e-mail allegedly to be from Silvester Stallone but that turned out to be a Viagra spam e-mail and we don’t believe it actually was sent by Mr Stallone himself, unless his IP address really is in Kazakstan.”

 

Opt-Out campaign support is a controversial methodology of enlisting celebrity supporting, however Pierre Bucleur defended it strongly on two counts, “Well if it good enough for something as important as online privacy for the world’s largest media organisation it’s good enough for the Budge Boycott, and secondly Hollywood Stars are very busy people, we didn’t want to be bothering them with the hassle of actually opting in to such an evidently worthy cause.”

 

This massive show of support surprised financial analysts the world over- Paribas chief economist, James Witherington-Twitter told this reporter that the passive support of such a group of cultural giants could trigger off massive street protests in France and across the European Union. “We saw the impact on the streets of Greece, Spain and France caused by such remote events as the Financial Crisis and the Reform of the French pension scheme, how much more real and immediate to the poor and dispossessed is the Carrefour discount scheme? The disruption of such crucially important events such as the 10% discount on Pancake mixture and such startling offers as BOGOF offers on Nutella (trans: Buy One Get One Free) will really hit them hard. Expect trouble” He warned ominously.

 

We can confirm that Mr Kenneth Budge did not visit Carrefour Lezignan Corbieres today- the Budge Boycott stands firm

 

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Carrefour Boffins Blame Budge Boycott on Stuxnet Virus 26th October

October 26, 2010
Carrefour Visora Minoh store at Osaka Prefectu...

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In an amazing revelation today Carrefor senior management blame the computer virus Stuxnet for the appalling customer service error that sparked the highly damaging Budge Boycott of Carrefour‘s Flagship store in Lezignan Corbieres.

It has been widely reported that the Struxnet Virus was specifically written to attack Supervisory Control And Data Acquisition systems used to control and monitor industrial processes. This is totally false” claims Carrefour’s head of IT, Pascal Pixel speaking from Carrefour’s highly secretive Technology Basement.

We have strong reason to believe that the Virus did not, as has been claimed, originate from the CIA or Israel but from a spotty teenage Kid who is doing a stage at one of our arch rivals.

The fact that the virus accidentally attacked the control programmes of Iranian nuclear stations was an unforseen side effect. We believe that Ahmed Farsi, who has since written the Iranian nuclear control programme based his system on the Carrefour “Pile’m high, knock’em out “™ programme. Before returning to Iran Mr Farsi use to input our weekly alcoholic beverage offers.”

We believe that one of our competitors seeking to gain advantage in the French market deliberately let lose the Stuxnet virus to destroy our market leading 6 for the price of 3discount quality wine offer. This heinous attack was the direct cause of the error that allowed the system to fail to acknowledge that the offer allowed customers to mix white wine and red wine bottles- the spark that let loose the Budge Boycott.

The fact that the virus then went on to knock out the entire Iranian civilian nuclear network was probably an unintentioned side effect- but that’s what happens when you steal someone else’s software.”

Mr Kenneth Budge told reporters that he got Jon to do all his computer stuff so didn’t have a clue what Mr Pixel was going on about- the Boycott continues.

Budge Boycott Bites

October 25, 2010

Ken Budge’s one man boycott of Carrefour Lezignan has financial analysis is a tither. Paribas chief economist, James Witherington-Twitter, told this reporter that the long-term impact of the Budge Boycott could undermine the company’s global expansion. Witherington-Twitter estimates that the estimated that the Budge boycott is probably reducing sales at the crucially important Lezignan Carrefour by between 30 and 40 euros a week, making an annual total of between1,560 to 2080 euros. Carrefour’s total global sales in 2009 were €96.2 bn. “This boycott represents 1/46153846 of the Company’s annual turn over. If another 5 million people take the same action we could see Carrefour’s turnover fall to that of a market stall”.

Pierre Bouchot, Carrefour’s Chief Financial Officer dismissed Witherington-Twitter comments as a clear exaggeration, our own analaysis shows that Mr Budge spent around 15 euros a week at the Lezignan outlet. “Tthe real figures mean that it would take around 10 million extra supporters to cause the type of effect Mr Witherington-Twitter has foolishly predicted. We are aware that Mr Budge has many friends but we do not think that even he can pull out so much support” claims Bouchot.

Budge Boycott sets markets a Twitter

October 25, 2010
Carrefour Visora Minoh store at Osaka Prefectu...

Image via Wikipedia

Ken Budge’s one man boycott of Carrefour Lezignan Corbieres is sending shockwaves across the World’s financial centres. Carrefour CEO Lars Olofsson’s call for calm at an emergency press conference went unheeded as both institutional and private investors dumped their stocks on the Paris Stock Exchange, causing an unprecedented 20 euro drop in Carrefour’s share price in less than 2 hours. Only the direct intervention of the Minister of the Economy stopped the plummeting price as he ordered a suspension of the Paris Exchange.

Overseas trading to continued through the night and saw the Carrefour share price drop from 39.02 Euro to an all time low of 6.03 before briefly rallying to 10.14.

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